I heard we made out
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's always time for handjobs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
