His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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