There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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