I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
