It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
