Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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