dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
