We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
