I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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