This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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