Whod you bang
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
