ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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