Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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