Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
