Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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