So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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