Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
