I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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