His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
