i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
