I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
