I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
