my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize