I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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