I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
