i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
