its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
