yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
