We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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