No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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