whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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