he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
