i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
