Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
