Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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