hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
