next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
