Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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