Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
