I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
