I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
