I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
