I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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