There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
