The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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