you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize