i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
