is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
