I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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