Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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