she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
