i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy sore nipples Batman
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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