I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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