i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
