when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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