Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize