if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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