Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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