goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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