it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
