Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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