Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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