whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
