too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
