Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
