i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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