i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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