just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
