well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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