I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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