This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
